Dreaming Of A Sunnier Day


“Looking for a different space
Dreaming of a sunnier day
Oh, it never came, how could it have baby
Where the present meets the past
It's hard to be more than we've seen
It's hard to be more than we've seen”

George Michael & James Philip Jackman

For this blog author, these past three years have had a profound impact upon me: as this personal journey has opened my eyes in ways that have forever changed me.  These years have been filled with much: joy and pain, laughter and tears, unity and adversity, as well as personal struggles and triumphs.  In many ways, this journey has scarred me but has also led me onto the path of healing and better self awareness.

Life is a continuous journey and although each person’s path is markedly different our destination is always the same … finding ourselves.  For the past few months, I’ve felt nothing but lost and afraid.  When you’re in a personal dark spot one can either keep grasping for that glimmer of light or choose to wallow in the darkness.  Like George Michael I’ve been dreaming of sunnier days, for quite some time now.

It was shortly after three in the morning, another restless night in a long stretch of sleepless nights, when I decided to put my ear buds in to listen to the radio.  Randomly shuffling through the stations my iPod stopped on a familiar tune.  Snuggled beneath my comforter, one foot immediately began tapping to the beat of the song, the same way the artist’s did in his iconic music video for “Faith”.  "I gotta have faith ..." are lyrics that resonates within each of us as faith gives our lives foundation..

"Faith" - 1999

By this point, it had been more than three weeks since this blog author had gotten a full night’s sleep as this bout of anxiety was truly getting the better of me.  Could this be the ‘sign’ that I had been waiting and praying for?  A lot goes on in one’s mind when they are left alone in the dark with nothing but their thoughts, worries and fears playing seamlessly on what feels like an endless loop ... over and again the same repetition as if one in this state would need the constant reminder. 
 .
Somewhere in all the madness I allowed my ‘voice’ to be muted by harsh judgments, personal agendas, and attacks.  All these ‘trivial’ things left me gasping for air in a deep sea of despair at a time when there was no vacant space in my mind to share.  Prior to pop icon George Michael’s untimely passing, never a moment of this blog author’s time was spent online following the madness of any fandom but this loss ignited something within me that had long since smoldered out.

As I’ve often said, our experiences shape the way that we perceive things and words scrawled across our computer screens may take on different meanings without knowing the intent of their author.  There’s also a certain naivety that goes along with being a fandom follower or “newbie” in that similar to physical ‘gathering’ spaces people don’t know the back stories of those they’re conversing with but feel the need to fit in but that soon changes just as it often does in our 'real' lives.

"Older" - MTV Unplugged

The truth is, my eyes were opened a long time ago to the propaganda and hidden, personal agendas that exist all around us on social media.  This is the ‘truth’ that many don’t want you to know: the same ‘truth’ some continue to fight to keep from coming out.  At first, it was utterly baffling to me why anyone would create any certain type of campaign be it ‘hate’ or ‘shame’ etc. but as time passed on things became clearer ... in time it will be made clearer but it's not a topic of today's article.

When this platform was launched this author intended to recount her story of her personal experience ‘fighting’ on the front line in the trenches between Michael’s fans.  'Fighting' against foes that although appeared to be great in number: were in actuality far less expansive in numeration.  That intent was quickly sidelined when I felt a greater sense of social responsibility to try and bring some understanding in a time of great distress to a group of people struggling with their loss.

As a nurturer by nature I felt a sense of protectiveness over George Michael and as his beloved Lovelies who were in a state of crisis.  I truly believed that he would want someone to take a peaceful stand against the discord ensuing between his fans who were deeply divided.  Countless hours were put into setting forth positive messages as well as the construction of though provoking articles imploring people to think before they spoke/tweeted or look at situations from different perspectives.

"Praying For Time" - Palais Garnier

Many more of hours were spent speaking about mental health and addiction issues as well as giving people a ‘safe’ haven where they could unload their burdens judgment free.  What had weighed the most on me have been those who reached out to me in hope that I would be able to help them not hurt themselves.  Life is hard enough and when you feel that great of a responsibility has been placed on your shoulders it gets scary, at times.

It’s been hurtful being taken to task for: nurturing others, keeping a peaceful stance, and for being an empathetic human being.  Many people speak of the principles and personal qualities that George Michael exuded but far fewer employ them in their daily lives.  For those who make strides towards making this world a better place ... keep doing what you do as you make a difference even though sometimes you may not think you do. 

In closing, don’t ever allow anyone to steal your joy or make you feel that you are not enough … let’s not make the time … or leave room for that in our lives anymore!  

"An Easier Affair"



 George Michael fan group Freedom For George Michael is currently 
hosting this fundraising campaign in memory of George Michael
 benefiting MacMillan Cancer Center, featuring
these stunning 2020 wall calendars and planners (diaries).   

For pricing, additional information regarding this 
fundraising campaign or to place your order:

Direct Message Tonia on Twitter:
@Toniakats17
or

Instagram: freedom4gm



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